How I Want to Watch TV

The other day, I watched Apple's recent "Special Event" keynote, which covered the new Apple TV. My first thought was "Rental only, no purchases anymore? That sucks!" Then it occurred to me that I watch a lot more TV once than I care to watch over and over again. Then it occurred to me how much money I could save if I could pay for just the shows I actually watch instead of the oceans of schlock that my cable company tries so hard to pour down my throat. And the truth be told, I'd much rather watch TV on my TV, not browse for stuff to buy. My god, I do want to watch TV that way!

Have I been won over because Apple is clever and insightful, or because Steve's Reality Distortion Field is twisting my perceptions?

Later, I watched the Google TV demo at the IFA consumer electronics conference (thanks to John Gruber for the link; skip to 32:00 to see the Google TV bit). I hope before this product hits the street that someone from Google will explain how this is not just WebTV with a Google logo on it. The market decided a decade ago that people don't want yet another gigantic remote control, and they don't want to have to wave that remote control around trying futilely to control a cursor on a screen on the other side of their living room so that they can type something into a search box with the keyboard they have to keep in their lap. Google is trying to play this game again, expecting it to turn out differently this time around.

Ah, here's the difference (42:00): Google TV will have apps! In the words of Scott Beale, "My eight-year-old niece's shitty Boost mobile phone has apps on it." In fact, Google TV will run the same apps as your Android mobile phone. But does anyone at Google believe that an app designed for a touch interface running on a six-inch screen one foot from my face will look and work great when controlled by a wireless pointer on a 32-inch screen six feet from my face? Am I missing something?

Dear Google,

You've got thousands of brilliant folks working for you. They've created some truly innovative products that hundreds of millions of people use every day. How is it possible that you're getting it so utterly backwards when it comes to television? Slapping the same old web browser onto my TV doesn't make it a better TV any more than slapping a web browser onto my toaster makes it a better toaster. Throw it out; try again.

Sincerely and regretfully,
Yours Truly